so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
