WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
