i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
