My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
