oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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