So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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