Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
you never un-have a 4some
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
