So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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