you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
