i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
