I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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