It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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