wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
