Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
