a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
