This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
