Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
