you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
