so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
