Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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