I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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