They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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