he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
