I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
