my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
