i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
