you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
