The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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