Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
