Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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