We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
