I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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