Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
