His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
