I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
