Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
