This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
