The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
