your parents love me but you hate me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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