We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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