margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
