did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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