Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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