Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
