the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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