Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
whose parrot is this?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
