using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
