He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize