Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
