you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
