Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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