google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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