I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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