I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
