I cannot find my penis.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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